Paper Thin Walls

The life of a seasonal worker is probably unlike any other lifestyle I will ever experience. We work hard, we play harder. It is summer camp for adults, after all. You live where you work; you live with who you work with… meaning only one thing, there is no true separation from your work life and your personal life. With about 100 people living in a vicinity of 100 square yards, you can forget about privacy, secrets, or even a ‘down low’. I always wondered what it would be like to star in the ‘Real World’…well this is quite comparable, sans a giant hot tub and a camera following my every move. The lack of a personal bubble is overwhelming at times, leading me to hide in my room for a day or two every now and then. I knew what to expect after last summer, but I don’t think I will ever be able to get used to it. But there are upsides as well. You get to know people very quickly; their humor and their quirks are what I find most intriguing. I always have a buddy to go places with, drink beer with, and cook for. I really am happy about the group of people we have here, makes life in close quarters more than bearable!

I was in Safeway on Friday, stocking up on food I was in dire need of (I resorted to eating stale popcorn for breakfasts). I was in the checkout line when I heard “Hi Jonelle!!” I look up to see the son and father of the family who picked me up hitchhiking! It was the most pleasant surprise to see their familiar smiling faces asking me about my past few weeks. We ended up talking for 20 minutes and then they offered me a ride home! But I still had some things to do in town, so I declined. I know Seward is a small town, and I was bound to run into them at some point, but it still just makes me smile to think about the odds of the encounter.  

Just as Seward is a small world, the seasonal employment world is even smaller. My roommate last year in Washington worked at this same place, so there are a bunch of people I have met who know her. And of course when you share a room with someone and work with them for an entire summer, they are bound to rub off on you. Micah totally passed on her quirkiest mannerisms to the point where people have said I remind them of someone…I remind them of Micah! Guilty!

 I had a wonderful day last week, probably my best day here so far. I woke up early, fought a little hangover with kombucha, went on an awesome hike by myself, then walking back I ran into a group of friends and went on a three hour sea kayaking tour with them. It was seriously unreal; there was a slight breeze but the water was glassy, there were waterfalls pouring down from the cliffs, and sea otters were scattered around looking as cute as they know they are. It was absolute perfection. It was the simple and overwhelming joy that I usually don’t have to seek, it just happens. And when it does, I know I am living the life I was meant for. I love this place.

“May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.”

-Edward Abbey

Sunny Days AND Nights

The sun is out and delightfully warm. The weather is beautiful and should be all week. The mountains are completely visible and they never end. I have a big mug filled with delicious coffee in front of me. Needless to say, I’m feeling much improved since last time.

Finally started work; have been training the past couple days and I think this is going to be a great season. I love structure in the workplace and this is the epitome of organization. Since I am a breakfast/lunch server, I will get to work the regular evening events too... overtime + tips = big money! And the best of all – our menu! We have SO many delicious things and today we are doing a dinner and local beer tasting. Cannot wait! Basically every single thing on our menu is made in house, so it’s super fresh. Our desserts are to die for… thank the Lord for Joey the pastry chef! Homemade ice cream (not quite as good as yours Nana, don’t worry!). A fancy s’more dessert with nutella ganache. Lemon bars with a half inch thick shortbread crust. Chocolate cake with salted caramel frosting. It’s. All. So. Good. I am going to be obese by the end of the summer!

We’ve had a few bonfires, some nicer than others; during the first one, rain came and went for hours…once the sun set giant snowflakes filled the sky and soon covered the ground. The next night was perfect though; an awesome sunset, great company, and a guitar playing bonfire classics. It really just put all the feel good back in my soul. I decided to kick start a little family dinner tradition and cooked up a big meal for everyone who was hungry. Penne, spicy sausage, bell peppers, red onion, garlic, and a creamy basil sauce from scratch. People were impressed and I was beaming; cooking for others just makes me so happy. To know they are enjoying something I made up is pretty rewarding. Sad to say I didn’t get a picture of it before scarfing it down! I joined our coed softball team and I am SO excited to start playing!! It has been far too long since I’ve played and I really miss it.

I cannot make a decent jumping face to save my life.

My roommate’s stuff has been in my room, unpacked, all week…and I was really beginning to think she was kidnapped and killed before she walked in the door yesterday. Enter: Joan. A lovely woman, I gather from my five minute introduction. She is about 70 years old I would guess. Awesome. I really had to choke back my tears when I realized she was my roommate for the next four and a half months. But after being both laughed at and receiving all the sympathy I could take, I decided maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe she is some bad ass lady who has tons of great stories and advice. All I know is that it’s only going to be as good of a situation as I make it. And anyway she has friends (I personally think it’s a lover, haha) in town, so she actually has only been in our room for a grand total of 10 minutes. I enjoy the privacy and don’t mind having the place to myself, wherever she may be.

I find it really amusing that I am in Alaska, the last frontier, and yet when I tell people I am from Wyoming, the usual response is “Wyoming… I didn’t know people even lived there!” And since my name is too hard for people to remember, I am now known as one of the following: the Wyoming girl, the blonde girl, the hitchhiker…and I guess I have to throw Zelda in there too now. Eyeroll. But I did score some brownie points for us Wyomingites(?) with my cooking last night; “Oh, so this is what you do in Wyoming…you watch cooking channels all day!” What? TV in Wyoming? Nooo…. Don’t be silly, we don’t even have indoor plumbing! I have to laugh though because it is pretty ironic. One of my managers asked me the other day how I got so strong. I really couldn’t give him an answer. I don’t think I am that strong, but he insisted… yes, you are. You’re a 21 year old girl who came to Alaska by herself and hitchhiked the whole way (that’s my favorite rumor!). So I guess I just am tough… a product of being raised in Wyoming I suppose. I am proud of where I come from, and there is nowhere else I would rather call home.

“Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” –A.A. Milne

Alone Time & Making New Friends

The past couple years, I have been gradually working my way to a place where I not only don’t mind being alone, but to where I actually value and like being with myself. I find solace in the quiet of my mind. I enjoy having peace to really think. I like knowing that I don’t necessarily need someone else to bring me happiness. I cherish that I can go out on my own and travel wherever I want without relying on someone else. Being completely on my own is difficult at times though. Times when I can’t fall asleep, and would rather someone else’s voice fill the void only silence creates. Times when I can’t quite motivate myself to get out and do something new. Times when a familiar embrace is the only thing that can make me feel at home in a foreign place. But with all this alone time, I really think I am growing into myself. I can see exactly who I am and who I want to be, what makes me truly happy and what makes me feel stagnant. Though I hate to admit, at times it’s hard to be strong when it’s so easy to be weak.

About a year ago, I wrote, “The ‘secret’ to happiness is not magically revealed after you find yourself…YOU are always right there. It is discovered by simply embracing yourself and fulfilling dreams that make your life complete. After countless journeys of trying so hard to find myself, I finally realize that I have always been right here, I just wasn’t actually taking action on the things that would help me flourish.” I have truly gotten to that place, the place where I fully embrace myself and don’t hesitate to fulfill my ever-changing dreams. Sure, I moved to Alaska to fulfill a dream, but that is just step one! I think I have a hard time continually doing things that bring me joy. So as a constant reminder, these are some small things that make me happiest:

·         Being outside—and doing anything like hiking, camping, sitting by a campfire, or just breathing fresh air.

·         Taking pictures

·         Reading good books

·         Cooking new recipes for other people

·         Drinking kombucha and good coffee

·         Making other people happy

·         Listening to good music

·         Being adventurous

·         Seeing new places

·         Meeting new people

Okay, so there it is. Ten pretty basic things that I need to do on a regular basis in order to be at my optimal level of happiness. Simple!

“Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You cannot get there by bus, only by hard work and risk and by not quite knowing what you are doing. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself.” – Alan Alda

This is really just rainy day talk. I am not really sure where exactly my head is at, where I am at! I am cooped up in my little cabin (aka ‘shed with a bed’) with no one else but me, and nothing else but books, writing, and music, to entertain myself. So in the big picture I know things will always get better. I just think this entry is necessary to remind you that I am only human…a girl who feels lonely, insecure, and lost in life at times, just like everyone else. So I need no sympathy because I have more than I could ever ask for, and I know I will be meeting a ton of new people very soon…  I am already meeting new people, just haven’t had much of a chance to really get to know anyone. There is a very dynamic group of people here, all of them love traveling and moving from place to place as much and even more than I do, so it’s easy to relate to them. And soon I will be working from 5:30am to 2pm most every day, and will gradually lose the energy to care whether or not I am alone! But for now, I have a few days left of not really knowing what else to do or where else to go. Plus the pouring rain is no spirit-lifter either! Rain, rain, go away!!! Bring on the sunshine, I am ready for summer!

The More I Seek, the More I am Sought

Has it really only been three days since my last entry? So much has happened that it feels like it’s been much longer. I guess I will start right where I left off, back in Anchorage – so bear with me. I succeeded in making an awesome meal for my host; for the appetizer I made bread stuffed with spinach, artichoke, and parmesan dip (and when I say ‘made’ I do mean I bought a loaf of bread and stuffed it with store-bought dip J) and for the main course, mozzarella and basil stuffed chicken with a candied caprese salad. YUM! 

 

On Friday night I went for a hike with my hosts’ roommate at 10pm. It was amazing! The sun was just setting and it was still like until we finished around 11. There was a ton of snow, so going up was fine but coming down was the hard part! We ended up crab walking down most of it, and finally decided to let go and slide down. That led to much laughter and two frozen butts! Then Saturday we went to a motorcycle blessing event, which was pretty legit actually. Then we went for a freezing cold motorcycle ride to the Frisbee golf park…in a forest. Now let me just say I am pretty pathetic at Frisbee golf, so when those pro “frolfers” came out to play, I felt absolutely absurd; so that was both fun and embarrassing. I then ate ice cream for dinner and watched a depressing romantic comedy. I was feeling pretty lame and super restless after that, so I decided to leave the next morning. Since I didn’t really feel like taking the bus, I opted for a more conventional route—hitchhiking!

I hadn’t really considered hitchhiking before my host suggested it, and I guess I just figured why not. So I bought a can of pepper spray, packed up my backpack, and went to bed. I woke up at 5am on Sunday and all I could think about was hitchhiking and getting murdered…brutally. So I googled “tips for hitchhiking” and found lots of information that made me feel more confident and more nervous! But as I said before, I just have to keep telling myself not to be afraid, that I am safe, strong, and brave. I even practiced a made up story that I had a boyfriend in Seward who was expecting me (a story I never even told because I am a terrible liar!) So a few hours later Kelvin dropped me off on the side of the highway to Seward…115 miles to go. It wasn’t even five minutes before someone stopped.

Ride number one: a vulgar, hippie, grandma! She was great. She talked and cursed nonstop, and by the end of the 30 minute ride with her I knew her whole life story, her first and second husbands’ names, her kids’ names, and her grandkids’ names. I knew horror stories of all sorts that happened in the area.

Ride number two: I got picked up again within a few minutes by a 60ish attorney and his beautiful dog, Belle. He was on his way to kayak a river with some friends, and said he could take me about another 30 miles. We talked about practical affairs, my life and his, and all about Cody (he is actually considering moving there). I could tell he was concerned for my safety, very fatherly. As we drove, the weather gradually got worse and it was soon pouring rain. He dropped me off at a rest stop and wished me luck.

Nearly ride number three: I turned this guy down. There was just something about him that I instantly didn’t like. One of the tips I read was to trust your instinct and never be afraid to turn a ride down. So I ultimately turned him down despite hurting his feelings. “Do you want a ride, or what?” was his response to my hesitation. Talk about uncomfortable!

Ride number three: I actually had to wait a while for this one; I guess people weren’t feeling that sympathetic of a lone girl standing in the rain. A 30-something year old guy finally stopped. He was on his way to visit his parents. He is an engineer, practicing sustainability, and building a huge greenhouse. He has a rare breed of raspberry, a wife and baby he adores, and a good taste in music. He felt bad for dropping me off, still in the rain, but made sure I knew he admired my courage (or stupidity, same thing).

Ride number four: This ride again took another ten or fifteen minutes to catch, I guess I looked a little creepier with my hood on. A white minivan passed me by, and about two minutes later was coming the other direction, honking at me. Inside, a lovely family-- father, two sons, and a daughter. They were on their way home from church and never pick up hitchhikers, but the daughter (about 7 years old) insisted because she was worried that I may get sick from being in the cold. I have never met people more proud and more excited to be showing someone their home for the first time. We talked the whole ride about my travels, my job, the area, hikes I shouldn’t miss, and all about them. Before we reached Seward, the dad insisted on giving me a tour through town, even though it was totally out of their way. So they showed me the basics – the post office, hospital, and grocery store. And they pointed out the important things – where to get the best gelato, the best coffee, and the best cookies! Then they took me back out of town to the lodge, and waited until I made it inside.

I know hitchhiking is a dangerous and fading form of transportation, but I am so glad I got to experience it. Everyone I told has called me crazy, but without that I would not have this story I will always remember, and I would have never crossed paths with those seven people and that dog. A serendipitous opportunity at its best!

Last night I met a few of the employees who are here already, most of them from Bulgaria. We had a really fun time, even though we could barely understand each other! And today I walked into town and roamed around. Seward is SOOOOO beautiful! Honestly pictures will never do it justice, so it makes me a little discouraged. It’s like being completely surrounded by the Sierras and the Tetons, and in a cute harbor town. So I walked up and down the streets, found a great coffee place, ate an awesome spicy pulled pork sandwich, and took 300 pictures. I love this place. I love that their dumpsters are painted with inspirational quotes. I love that everyone says hi or smiles when they walk past. I love the mountains. But to all good things, there are bad things; I HATE LITTER. Why why why do people feel the need to trash such beautiful places? It makes me want to throw up when I see ducks swimming in little water holes that have soda bottles floating in them. Seward is much cleaner than Anchorage, but it’s still too much to see any. I apologize for totally going on a rant there, it's just one of those things that drives me crazy. So I think with all this free time I have, I should do a little community service and fill a couple garbage bags with litter. One small step…

But I really want to end this on a more positive note. As we all know, life is a precious, fleeting, beautiful gift. So tomorrow I am going to wake up with a smile on my face, breathe in fresh air, and be absolutely grateful for everything I have…and I want you to do the same thing. That’s how we should live our lives every day—thankfully, joyfully, and lovingly.  

Greetings from ALASKA

“I am a modern-day nomad. I have no permanent address, no possession except the ones I carry, and I rarely know where I’ll be six months from now. I move through the world without a plan, guided by instinct, connecting through trust, and constantly watching for serendipitous opportunities.”

--Rita Golden Gelman, Tales of a Female Nomad-Living at Large in the World

This woman gets me. Granted, she had adventures that surpass mine, but she was also 48 when she started. I find it most comforting lately to read personal accounts of various women’s adventures. It gives me the extra kick of girl power needed to carry on without fear. I cannot count the number of times I have heard lately: “So you’re just here by yourself, no plan, no friends, just you? … Aren’t you afraid?” I am not afraid because I refuse to let myself be afraid. What is there really to be afraid of? I am in an awesome place, surrounded by people who have been nothing but friendly. This excerpt from another female adventure book has helped me feel better anytime I feel any insecurity creeping in, “it was a deal I’d made with myself months before and the only thing that allowed me to hike alone. I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part, it worked. Every time I heard a sound of unknown origin or felt something horrible cohering in my imagination, I pushed it away. I simply didn’t let myself become afraid. Fear begets fear. Power begets power. I willed myself to beget power. And it wasn’t long before I actually wasn’t afraid” (Cheryl Strayed, WILD). Fear gets you nowhere but living a mundane life, and that’s just not in the cards for me.

As far as what I’ve been up to—where do I start?

My flight was incredible; my neck was absolutely cramped for a whole day from literally plastering my face to the window! It was just so beautiful! Sunrise flights are the best, there is truly nothing like it. I started the first flight with such extreme nerves I honestly thought I would throw up. Eventually worked my way to such extreme joy that I had to hold back my tears. I really just wanted to let myself cry and be totally overwhelmed, but I figured the gentleman next to me miiiight feel a bit awkward.

As of now, I am still in Anchorage, couchsurfing (staying on people’s couches, spare beds, etc.) with a few different people. My first hosts, Casey and Brad, were great; they were so generous and loving. I visited the essentials of Anchorage: walked the coastal trail, ate scrumptious pizza at Moose’s Tooth, drank a good beer at Brewhouse, and didn’t go into a single tacky souvenir shop! I met a couple random couchsurfers (vagabonds new to Alaska, just like me) who I would have liked to spend more time with. Alex, Treegore (yes, Treegore), and I clicked instantly, telling crazy stories, relating adventures, and marveling in how different yet so perfectly similar complete strangers can be. They first lured me in for breakfast, with promise of homemade chili, bread, and a great view. What I had envisioned quickly faded when Treegore pulled out two cans of vegetarian chili, sriracha, and store-bought bread. To my surprise, it hit the spot. I think sharing a meal with strangers is probably one of the quickest ways to become friends. We made our way to a warm coffee shop, where the food and story sharing continued. Their stories amazed me, and made me want to experience more places; my age amazed them, four years younger and yet I was doing what they had only recently started. I’m finding more and more people surprised by my age…do I really look that old? Need to up the wrinkle cream dosage I guess! I spent the rest of the afternoon with Alex, getting to know each other more; I have never met a more positive, animated, and refreshingly honest person as him. Then I proceeded to stuff my belly full of super healthy Mongolian BBQ with Casey and Brad. I spent a few hours a Barnes and Noble yesterday, perusing a variety of travel books, and magazines ranging from Sunset to Alaska to Tattooed Girls… I had a lot of time to kill! I sat on some comfy chairs by the fireplace, feeling quite relaxed. Then the man across from me caught my eye; dressed in tattered and dirty clothing, and snoring like no one’s business. After the manager escorted him out another man of similar appearance took his place, and I realized this must be where the homeless come to warm up and catch a few zzz’s. Immediately felt itchy all over and left shortly after! Then I met up with my current host, Kelvin. He took me to a BBQ with all of his friends; it was fun to meet a bunch of new people, and even talk about home with a few that know Wyoming. We then proceeded to ride bikes across town to a De La Sol concert, which was fun. So now it’s noon and I am still in bed, still in pjs, a protein bar and kombucha in my belly, and I have not a single complaint. I plan to make my host a feast tonight, so glad to get to cook and bring joy through tasty food! I still have over a week of free time and not a clue what to do! I am definitely ready to be out of the city and in more remote and beautiful wilderness as I have yet to use my camera. So I will probably head out Sunday or Monday and make my way to Seward. Really wishing I had brought all my camping gear, although it’s still a little chilly for that.

I marvel at the love and support I have from so many people. It’s the greatest comfort to know that no matter where I am in the world, I always have people out there loving me. And I love you all back! Knowing that people care about me, envy my adventures, and enjoy my pictures is really what keeps me going. One purpose of this blog is so that whenever you need it, you can take inspiration, laugh a little, laugh a lot, shed a tear, full on cry, roll your eyes, smile, and maybe even plan your own escapade.