It wasn't until yesterday, sipping stout coffee out of my jetboil while surrounded by glowing mountains, endless wildflower meadows, and a casual rush of fresh water, that I realized I wasn't breathing. Sure, I was inhaling enough oxygen to sustain my life…but i wasn't actually taking time to consciously breathe. Though there was no urgency, I still couldn't relax enough to appreciate the moment surrounding me. I know I've gotten too stressed out when I can't even enjoy the things I love most. I waded into the middle of the river and found a flat boulder on which to move through sun salutations. After closing my eyes and forcing myself to slow down, I could finally feel the rays of sun on my bare skin, rejuvenating each cell with fiery life. I could feel my soul drawing away from bitterness and closer to wildness. And then a much needed hike led me to the final destination: happiness. Life is simple on the trail; one foot in front of the other until I reach the top. My clumsy feet trip on rocks as I look far ahead instead of where I am stepping; I drink when I'm thirsty, I eat when I'm hungry, I pause in the shade when I need a break. I know at the right time I will stumble upon the perfect opportunity to create a life I love, and I am ready to for the trails to diverge and to hike my own path.
"Sometimes the Warrior feels as if he were living two lives at once. In one of them he is obliged to do all the things he does not want to do and fight for ideas in which he does not believe. But there is another life, and he discovers it in his dreams, in his reading, and in his encounters with people who share his ideas. The Warrior allows his two lives to draw near. 'There is a bridge that links what I do with what I would like to do,' he thinks. Slowly, his dreams take over his everyday life, and then he realizes that he is ready for the thing he always wanted. Then all that is needed is a little daring, and his two lives become one."
Routine. Monotony. Doing the same thing every.single.day. It's an inevitable trap that I seem to have fallen into and cannot wait to escape. The monotony got the best of me so I purchased a one-way ticket to South America. I will be in Peru on October 14! I know working hard and having a routine is necessary to get me to the next destination where I don't have to worry about any sort of obligation, but man it's been a long wait. The promise of a grand adventure is enough motivation to push me through these next two months. I will be going with one of my best friends, excited about having a travel companion this time around! Trekking in Peruvian mountains, drinking wine in Argentina, exploring the diverse Chilean landscape, and discovering Bolivian culture… it couldn't get here soon enough.
"The Warrior knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment, and -sometimes- with just a touch of madness."
As for my newly established photography business, I am happy with the progress. I have been doing a few portrait sessions, one wedding down, with another scheduled next week, and already another next summer. Stephanie and Randy's wedding turned out to be absolutely beautiful! I was a bit nervous as that was my first real wedding on my own. Though it was short and sweet, the light managed to shine through the clouds perfectly and give me a beautiful backdrop for a beautiful couple. Stephanie managed to smile despite insects and wasps tangling up in her dress. The bridesmaids managed to keep up in heels as I led them through a muddy field. The ceremony was great, even with the token bystander who passed out halfway through. I guess weddings aren't quite as bad as they all say! Though I haven't had nearly as much time to devote to my photos as I would like, I am so glad to have a growing fan base who keeps me excited to post new material. (Side note: if anyone wants to help me create a website, I am surprisingly technologically challenged and need all the help I can get!)
My endless to-do list seems to grow more every day. Time is a valuable entity that I have really come to cherish these past few months. Time management has never been a strength of mine, a true procrastinator by nature. But sooner or later, each task gets a big check mark and I move on to the next. As for today, my to do list is pretty simple. Be grateful. Be happy. Smile. And laundry, that too.
"It is sometimes deeply depressing to be a rebel,
knowing that we can never share most people's way of life, nor can they share ours.
Schooling stuffs the brains of our children with trivia.
The more the trivia, the more their anxieties.
They indoctrinate the children to believe that the consequences are grave
when they fail to distinguish 'good' from 'evil', and agreement from disagreement.
What gross nonsense!
We are so different! Having no desire for the trivialities,
nor for the compensations, we are like infants not yet knowing how to laugh!
Ever wandering, and having no home to which we may return.
While most people are obsessed with superficialities, we feel empty.
While most people feel they know so much, we feel simple-minded.
While most people believe they live happily in the best of all possible worlds,
we are despaired to witness this world!
It is so painful to know that we will always be outsiders,
endlessly moving like the ocean, aimlessly blowing like the wind.
While we fear what others fear, we don't treasure what others treasure.
Our treasure is the Great Integrity.
However, until it is shared, it will not be the Universal Integrity,
for we are a part of them, and they are a part of us."
