unBELIZEable

I’ve been staring at this blank page for about 23 long minutes now, trying to decide on the right starting place for this entry. I have a multitude of funny middles and infinite ends of stories, but can’t figure out the proper introduction.

I guess I will start with my birthday, since the turning of 22 marks the beginning of this year for me. Although I was flooded with some crazy emotions, it really was a wonderfully simple birthday. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling as ‘at home’ as I usually do in Cody. I was so glad to be reunited with my family, but was plagued by the sense of having no substantial identity in this town anymore. But now I realize it’s because I have been away so much and have purposefully made a new identity for myself. And I learned that while physical location signifies home to many, it doesn’t for me. To me, home is really wherever my heart is; whether it’s with my family, with friends, in Wyoming, or in a country I’ve never been… home is never far away when it exists inside me. I think I have to remember this while traveling about so much now, if only to eliminate the illusion of homesickness. I want to be able to appreciate each moment of each journey, and that’s impossible when I ache to be some place else, some time else. So today I am physically home, soaking up the comfort of my own space that’s filled with more memories than I can handle sometimes, and I am spending the better part of my day packing for my road trip, which starts tomorrow!

As for the past two weeks….wow. My trip to Belize was amazing. Since I decided to go last minute, I really had no plans or expectations which I think made it even better. It felt so damn good to be completely disconnected from my life, from technology, from facebook, from time itself. I only looked at a clock once on my last day there; it just never mattered to me what time or day it was. We participated in the typical tourist activities: snorkeling, cave tubing, zip lining, Mayan ruin tours. But we also spent a lot of time talking to locals, learning about their lifestyle and their food and their music. Despite the frequent trips to the bathroom, I couldn’t get enough of the traditional dishes; from beans and rice to fresh lobster to gibnut (a local delicacy – rodent…) it was all wonderful, especially loaded with hot sauce. For the first time ever, I saw and tasted the freshest and juiciest fruit straight from the branch - YUM. The beaches were hot and until the rakers came by, covered with garbage brought in by the sea. We partied hard at the Barefoot Bar in Placencia, watched a serious game of futbol in the rain, and got our fill of the locally made Belikin beer. And of course a vacation like this wouldn't be complete without a mild romance; leave it to me to find the only other white man in a country filled with exotic Belizeans. He called me gorgeous (in a thick British accent) and I simply batted my eyelashes and demanded to be called gorgeous again, as it just sounds FAR more flattering coming from a man from London. Ohhh me.    

But even with all the relaxing on the beach and the exciting excursions, my favorite moment by far was pretty basic. We visited the bakery in Hopkins, hoping for some fresh baked goodness… we received a lot more than that! The owner of the bakery (literally a shack with an oven) is Caitlin. She is from Ohio and a long list of events (all of which she revealed to us) led her to living in Hopkins for 12 years and raising three young children solo. As we were talking, her middle daughter arrived home from school and was peering at her new math books with disdain. “Do you like math?” “NO.” Simple as that, I was taken by this beautiful girl, whose name was a literal translation of “strong soul” and whose character clearly revealed it to be quite fitting. It wasn’t until she asked me to do a Toy Story puzzle with her was I convinced she felt the same kinship towards me. I spent a half hour on her steps, following her demands of where to put each piece she pointed at. She didn’t want us to leave, but settled on taking pictures of herself for me so I would always remember her. It was pretty much then and there that I knew I was on the right path a couple years ago when I decided I wanted to teach. Childhood is the peak of most human existence; they are pure and spirited and too simply say what they mean and what they want. So I think this life of living step to step is eventually going to lead me to the right place, the right country where I will try to give children educations they never thought they deserved and in turn humble myself to the max… just how I want to be… continually humbled  and thankful. So I suppose I stumbled upon the real purpose of this vacation; behind the relaxation and around the corner of eliminating stress, on the crumbled sidewalks and in the endless horizons, awaited my next (and not last)calling in life.

Go on, go on,
Go on and find your life now.
Go on. It's alright.
We all feel something similar
Sometimes. Oh, oh.
Oh, sometimes. Oh, oh.

Don't wait, don't fear,
And don't work too hard.
Don't worry 'cause you're here.
You're here, through ever-shifting shades,
And now somehow. Oh, oh.
Oh, somehow. Oh, oh.

It's love, it's love.
It's love that keeps me high enough
And the drugs and sex,
Or the lost respect and sacredness.
And it's sad, and true,
'Cause most things can hurt or help.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.

I know, I know.
We're here to sow some words
And hope they'll grow, they'll grow
In moundless fertile hearts and endless fields,
We'll know, cause most things can hurt or help.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.
Oh, up to us.

Go on, go on.
Go do those things you've always wanted to.
My friend,
When the morning comes our dreams
Don't have to end.
It's true,
I'll be there when I can for you, my friend.
Oh, I'll be there when I can.