It’s been a while, an intentional hiatus. See, I’ve been stuck in this funk… filled with all the negative, self-pitying, same old same old kind of emotions no one really wants to hear about. So, I’ve been away… hidden away by myself, trying to find some light. And in the end, what it came down to was pretty simple... I was miserable (mostly) because of my job, typical “white American female” problems that are immensely petty in the grand scheme. So instead of continuing the misery, I decided to quit and leave here early. Three more days and I couldn’t be happier. I won’t say I regret coming here, because I met some great people, but it just didn’t go how I was hoping it would. It’s easy to say Seward, Alaska let me down, but the truth is I let myself down in Alaska. I envisioned myself hiking and camping every chance I got, but soon I was so tired from working average 9.5 hour days that when it came time for my days off, all I wanted to do was catch up on the sleep I went without all week. I became lazy and lost interest in simple pleasures. But people, I am back! I have this wild and hopeful image of being 22. I think 21 was a learning year, but I am so glad to be leaving it behind. For 22 I see myself in so many places I’ve never been, physically and mentally. Mostly I decided this year I need to find some faith. I’m on the verge of knowing what it is I believe, but I get so distracted by life that I tend to throw my notion of god and any sense of spirituality by the wayside. So I want to find god, and you can make assumptions and interpretations of what you think that means, but truth is my idea of god is so much different than yours and I think that’s the true beauty of it.
As for now I am trying to enjoy my last five days in Seward. Afterwards I am going to the Avett Brothers concert in Palmer, and from there I have about five days to kill before my flight out of Anchorage. I want to head up to Talkeetna, and from there Denali. I need a positive way to leave, and rid my mind of the grudges I don’t want to hold against this place. From here I am going home for a day (my birthday) and will spend it repacking and driving back and forth from Billings. Then it’s off to BELIZE! My parents have been planning this trip for months, my mom’s 50th birthday bash, and I decided a week ago to tag right along. I have a feeling a bit of sunshine, sandy beaches, and having a little too much fun will do my brain some good. I come back the 17th of September and from there embark on an epic road trip from Cody to Texas with my dear friend Brooke as well as her friend from New Zealand. I think our time on the road will bring about some beautiful desert scenery, peace of mind, endless positive energy to soak up, and more pictures than I’ll know what to do with. I am so excited! From there, it’s off to New Zealand for a couple months. This is where I am expecting to really get back to the core of me…to find myself…to find my faith. I am going to fully embrace the vagabond lifestyle for the next five months (or more) and live off of the money I saved this summer and only the essentials I can carry on my back. It’s going to be a damn good year… I am aiming for the best one yet!
“It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.” -Erika Harris
Whenever I look at this, I relive the moment I fell in love with taking pictures. Photos like this are home to me. They provide a little peace and reassurance, and excitement for all the ones to come.
