Life, Loss, and Austin, Texas

After months...and months…and months of traveling, of quite literally living out of a suitcase or backpack, it’s time to just settle. Siiiigh. The ever-conflicting internal life forces within me never cease. When traveling, I find myself thinking of home. When home, I find myself planning my next adventure. It’s a curse of human nature, of a gypsy soul, of a wandering heart. I am taking refuge in my home in Cody for a while. I need a little bit of structure, schedule, maybe even a job (Okay, I guess being broke is a bit of encouragement for that too!) But alas, I am so incredibly happy with where I am in life.

I just spent the past couple weeks visiting friends in Austin and it was just what I needed. As far as I’m concerned, Austin is one of the best cities I’ve experienced. Maybe it had a little to do with my best friend being there, but it truly rocks. With a western hipster style, great live music every single night, amazing restaurants and food trucks, bountiful Goodwill stores, badass tattoo shops, and a mass influx of Montanans, it’s winning in every category. I drew so much energy and inspiration from the people closest to me, and have grown so much more in the past few weeks than I thought I could. I am actively living. Actively pursuing my dreams and being the person I want to be… and I must say, it feels great.

The time is now. I always tend to stray from the now-ness of life, always peeking back or looking forward. I hate to admit it, but it seems to take the close proximity of death to fully live. I recently lost a great friend, my best friend from my summer in Alaska. She was 25… and just…died. No matter how at peace with death you think you are, when it hits, it hits hard. The initial shock led me to just chuckle a little… I couldn’t process the reality. Then I broke. I spent nearly every single day with this girl for four months, had talked about coming to visit her in the fall just days before her death. And now… now all I have are memories and pictures and her sweatshirt she gave me as a parting gift, something I promised to give back when we saw each other next. It’s no wonder people have such a hard time coming to terms with death…we don’t even understand life. We don’t know how to live. Actually live. We live for tomorrow…for that goal that will definitely make us happier than we are now. We live for yesterday… for those lost loves, for the what ifs and the what could have been. But what about today? What about this very second? Are we living actively? Are we living profoundly? In the end, the only person who can answer that question for you is you. Cherish the people around you. Cherish each moment about you. Cherish every single thing you have and everything you don’t… because at the end of the day, you are already luckier than most people on this earth.

A New Zealand Love Affair

To start, a quick summary.

One country.

Two months.

63 hitchhiked rides.

Over 150 miles of hiking.

And 2,490 pictures taken.

Reading through my journal (which I wrote in nearly every day) brings back so many memories. All the details I wrote seemed rather dull at the time, but now I know why I wrote them. The words are a time machine. They instantly transport me back to various New Zealand mountain tops, beaches, and campgrounds. They paint a picture of all the people I met who I was too nervous to photograph. They evoke every emotion I felt through each day… and I felt them all.

The best moments of my trip—

·         Pretty much every morning. They were unhurried, effortless. I took my time waking up, slowly stretching out the nights aches, making coffee (so thankful for my Jetboil coffee press), eating some breakfast, packing up my backpack in the same meticulous order, looking over the map and deciding where to go, and setting off into the day.

·         Accidentally laughing when a guy revealed the pathetic story about his failed marriage of two months. His wife left him for her sister’s ex. Ouch.

·         Kayaking on glassy Lake Rotoiti because my feet were too blistered to hike anywhere.

·         Sitting in a campsite playground with a new friend, Nicola, drinking cheap wine, sucking on cinnamon lollies, and discussing every detail of our lives like old friends.

·         Serendipitous moment of happening upon a campground, asking about hikes and in return being introduced to an awesome girl I had just read about earlier in the day who hiked the whole country. She gave me pointers and a USB stick filled with maps. I love it when things fall into place that perfectly.

·         My many simple and indulgent picnics

·         I found this seemingly perfect campsite, went to soak my feet in the stream when 25 hungry eels jumped out at me… meet Eddy and friends. Then decided to sit in the tree and read. Before too long, I realized I was being used as target practice for a few pesky pigeons. Awesome.

·         Riding in the car with chatty Frank, an old coal miner, who had the thickest accent I heard the whole trip. He just kept talking, and I just kept nodding and saying “uh-huh”, until he would ask me a question and I had absolutely no idea what he just asked me, so I would make up an answer. He drove me 3.5 hours out of his way to get me safely where I wanted to go.

·         Eating hokey pokey ice cream on the beach at sunset. Eating ice cream in a park while watching a young hippie couple play with their naked baby and occasionally beat on a bongo drum. Eating the best ice cream I’ve ever had – Tramontana from Patagonia (thanks for the recommendation Bruk and Mayli!). I ate a lot of ice cream.

·         Playing Zilch (dice game like farkel) with new campground friends. I came in dead last.

·         The day my armpit hair outgrew my leg hair. Yeah… I’m sexy and I know it.

·         Swimming in the ocean at Golden Bay where it looks like specs of gold are floating in the water all around – so luxurious! Definitely true to its name.

·         Finally finding a health food store that sold kombucha! (only took a month and a half … withdrawals had been nigh unbearable).

·         Taking a shower under a soft waterfall. Freezing cold, but so amazing.

·         My liquid soap spilled all over my backpack. A few days later I was walking in the pouring rain… it wasn’t long until the soap started bubbling up. Had to walk for an hour while suds covered me from shoulder to knees. There was nothing to do but laugh at myself and how ridiculous I looked.

·         The first day of sunshine in a week on the west coast. I was outside from sunrise to sunset.

·         Reaching the end of the Copland track. It was breath-taking. Best moment by far.

·         While walking a few miles from town to my campground with a hefty load of groceries, I noticed a long swing in the tree by the lake. Next thing I know, my bags were unloaded, my shoes were off, and my hips were squeezed into the makeshift child-sized swing. I closed my eyes, leaned as far back as I could, and swung until I was dizzy. Pure joy.

·         Lying awake in my tent at 3am during a crazy thunderstorm. I nervously counted the seconds between the flash and the boom, and instantly felt like a little kid again.

·         Hiking a couple hours to Lake Marian where I made my camp for the night – completely alone! So serene.

·         The numerous rides from big families who took me in as one of their own, fed me, and asked me a never ending stream of questions.

·         A sad goodbye wave from a little girl who made me her camping buddy for a couple days. She would randomly come up and tell me a few stories then run off to the beach to play.

·         Sitting on top of the radio station building in Gore, drinking Speight’s with new friends. 

·         A couple offered me a ride, after their coffee break. I sat in the sun with them, eating cake, drinking instant coffee, and exchanging travel/life stories for 45 minutes. All for a 20 minute ride up the road.

·         Waking up to the roaring crack of nearby glaciers at Mt. Cook.

·         Getting a ride from a New Zealand version of Willie Nelson. Ghost had a barely audible, raspy voice from years of smoking, long silver braids under a camo bandana, and offered me a drag from his pipe as well as a place to stay if I was ever back in the area.  

And yes, the worse moments—

·         Waiting four long days for my backpack to show up.

·         Being eaten alive by sandflies more often than not. I hate those things.

·         Finding out my tent was in fact NOT waterproof. Fail.

·         The reoccurring and very vivid end of the world dreams.

·         Crashing hard and getting really sick a few days before I left.

Though these stories may not seem like much, they were the core of my trip. It’s hard to write about a trip like this because there were so many moments, most that would seem boring to everyone but me. However, I went to New Zealand first for its beauty, and second for its sanctuary; I thought it would be the ideal place to find some faith, which I needed desperately. And I did in fact find some things to believe in…

I believe in waking up slowly with the sun. I believe in self-respect, self-love, and self-reliance. I believe in the power of positive thinking and in listening to the signs of the universe. I believe in smiling at strangers and taking the scenic route. I believe in dessert any time of the day. I believe in first impressions, second chances, and that the third time is the charm. I believe in a thing called love. I believe a short life well lived beats a long life full of regrets, hands down. I believe a mother knows best. I believe in laughing at yourself and keeping promises. I believe in traveling; travel alone, travel together, travel for food, for people, for fun, for purpose; travel always, travel well, travel freely. Mostly, I believe nature is my religion. Mountaintops are my sanctuary. I can always find God in the breeze, in the music of flowing water, in the fresh air in my lungs, and in the warm sunshine on my skin; eternal, internal, simple, and beautiful.

I had the same basic conversation over and over again with each ride … 60 strangers asked me the same set of questions 60 times. But in those conversations those strangers became friends. Sometimes I got bored with the same answers, so I would make something up. One that stuck with me was “what do you do?” I kept saying “Ohh, nothing really … just work and travel.” But I think I found I do more than that. I am a photographer. I am a writer. I am a cook. I am a student of life. I am a traveler. Do I have a college degree in any of these? Nope. But I think I have finally realized the only way I will ever be the things I want to be is to truly believe I am those things. It’s a constant struggle because I face extreme insecurities. But it’s time to own it, to believe it, and to live it.

I came to the realization of why I am living the way I am, and it all comes back to a car ride. I don’t know where I was driving or what song was playing on the radio … I just remember the sudden knowledge that I am going to live a short life. It hit with such conviction that it has stayed with me for years. So the sudden lifestyle change, the traveling, the living day to day was my response to that. But I am not special … everyone is going to die. It’s the fact of life. Whether or not it’s tomorrow or 60 years from now doesn’t really matter. Whenever that day does come, I want to know I woke up each morning and lived every day as the best version of myself. I want to know I strived to brighten someone else’s experience on this earth, even just for a shining second. I want to know a sense of peace with my life. I just have to follow my own path, to live my life in whatever way makes sense each day.  

New Zealand is an amazing country. The most wonderful people inhabit this island. For all the generosity they showed me, I will be forever grateful. They take nothing in return, so I have a LOT to pay forward. I was constantly asked if I was afraid to be traveling solo as a female. The answer is no, not once. It’s vital for any traveler to keep her wits about her and use her intuition… Do this, and there is no need for fear. New Zealand offers endless breath-taking vistas – glimpses of what anyone would call paradise. Pictures and words could never bring them justice.  If you get the chance to go, don’t hesitate for one second.

Great Day to Die

Well lucky for us, 12/21/12 came and went here in New Zealand and working towards its end in the US.
Where do I even start?
The past few weeks have gone by far too quickly. I've seen a fair amount of places, met some amazing people, and taken just a couple pictures!
It's dawned on me just how funny it is when I stay in one place for more than a day or two... because it quickly becomes familiar, homey. I've spent the past five days or so in and around Takaka, a super small, hippy town, between a couple gorgeous National Parks. The people I've met in various campgrounds have shaped and made my trip all the better. I've seen people and just had a little feeling that I should approach them, and before I know it, five minutes of small talk turns into a few days of quick and deep friendship. I've gotten to know various people here better in two days than some people I've known for years. They talk with ease, with genuine interest, with excitement for your travels more so than their own. And then, before too long, you have to say goodbye. I am not one for goodbyes, so I prefer a 'see ya later, safe travels' even though the prospect of actually seeing them again is quite slim. Places, scenery, food, attractions... that's what most people travel for. But I am traveling for the people. Each morning I wake up and have NO idea what will come of the day (I've gotten pretty good at improvising), yet it always works out. I always end up finding that perfect place, that special person.
Yesterday while sitting at my picnic table, drinking coffee, and hoping the dark clouds rolling in were just a tease and not a promise for rain, I asked myself would I be okay with my life if in fact the world did end today? There is so much I haven't done, but so much I have. I have a great family, and a better relationship with them than most. I've fallen in love. I've been heartbroken. I think everyone I love and care for knows it. I haven't seen the whole world, but I've experienced enough variety of it to be satisfied. Most importantly... I am happy. Simply happy. I know adventure and crazy travels etc are unlike anything else, but to just be content with everyday details is more than I could ask for. Little things like a good cup of coffee, a game of farkel (or zilch) with new friends, eating excessively huge ice cream cones and making a ridiculous mess of myself and not really caring.... it's so little...but so much. Honestly the fact that I am in New Zealand still hasn't hit me. It's the biggest factor of all, yet the smallest.
So many little things have happened on this trip, too many to write down with the amount of money I am willing to pay for this internet usage. But I tomorrow I set off on the Heaphy track. It's the longest track in NZ and trails through mountains and beaches. I would have rather met some people and spent Christmas with them, but that didn't really play out, so I made up my mind to be in the wilderness on Christmas. Being away this time of year really made me realize a lot...that I don't want to be away from family over the holidays again...that maybe I am actually human afterall and don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. So I will be hiking for 6 days, and I am actually looking forward to get away from this glamping routine I have become used to. I am looking forward to camping in a place with no street lights, no flushing toilets, no showers. Just me and other hikers...the stars (which are amazing here)...and my little bitty tent, with my few belongings. Simplicity. It has become a major factor in my life and my future... something that I am striving for.
I wish I had time to upload pictures, but unfortunately I am out of coins ($2 for 20 minutes goes pretty quickly). Hoping to get another entry in before the New Year. Unitl then, I hope you all had a 'great day to die'.

The Things I Carry

I’ve been gradually crossing off items from my seemingly endless list for about a month now. The time has finally and already come. Tomorrow I set off to New Zealand for a two month trek! I somehow managed to shove 43 pounds worth of essentials in my pack… and usually I use the term ‘essentials’ with a wide margin, but not this time folks. For the next two months this is what I will be living with:

·         Tent

·         Sleeping bag

·         Thermarest Sleeping pad

·         Camera and extra lens

·         Four memory cards and three batteries (still don’t feel like that’s enough)

·         Jet boil and accessories

·         Leatherman

·         A flashlight/taser combo (thanks Bernie)

·         Headlamp

·         Journal (of course)

·         Survival guide book (just in case)

·         New Zealand guide book

·         First aid kit (emphasis on the blister care kit)

·         A few toiletries (ok, maybe more than a ‘few’)

·         Hiking pants

·         Spandex pants

·         Running shorts

·         Tank top

·         Two T-shirts

·         Long underwear shirt

·         Down jacket

·         Rain jacket

·         An ‘infinity skirt’ (doubles as scarf, etc etc)

·         Two pairs of exefficio undies (I really hope they work as well as they say)

·         Sports bra

·         A buff

·         Chacos

·         Hiking boots

·         Food and water (heavy.)

·         Water filter

·         Quick dry towel

·         Three pairs of wool socks

·         Rope and bungees

·         Most importantly…wallet and passport.

There you have it. Roughly 45 things, 45 pounds. Now to lay awake all night and try to remember what I am forgetting…….....

Anyways. Maybe I am brave…maybe I am just crazy. The reality of it all hasn’t quite hit me yet, and I am sure it won’t until I am flying over NZ. Good thing I have 24 hours of travel to let it all sink in.

I will be staying with a couchsurfing couple in Christchurch for a couple days, and from there it’s wide open spaces. Getting lost, getting found... meeting strangers who become family…. Never knowing what tomorrow will bring….a few reasons why I do this.

Not sure when I will have internet to write again, but I assure you the next entry will be one of the best. I cannot wait to see what’s in store for me!

I'm freakin out, man.

Maybe having a blog where I write all about my life and my travels contradicts this statement, but sometimes I just get so sick of talking about myself. To be honest, constantly explaining my plans day after day really ruins any bit of spontaneity. But the worst part of talking about it so often is the feeling that people think I am immodest. Not the case. I am so lucky to be living the way I am, but it has been an absolute conscious choice, one that is not always as glamorous as it may seem.

I leave for New Zealand in 24 days and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared shitless. I feel completely unprepared. I have no plans whatsoever…no destinations besides catching my flight back on January 30^th… and no secure places to sleep for 60 nights. I am kind of freaking out a little… I think I would be crazy if I wasn’t. As an independent person, I truly love going places solo… but as a 22 year old female it can be intimidating. However, my gut says go…go with all your heart. I cannot even begin to imagine the wonderful events that are about to unfold. Whenever I am still enough, I can feel the excitement, the change, the shifting of the universe coursing through my veins. A nomad lifestyle fits my soul far too perfectly.

Although I have extremely enjoyed being home the past few weeks, the wanderlust is taking over little by little. My month-long road trip temporarily quenched my travel thirst. It was truly a trip of moments. Moments where I realized I am in the exact place I am meant to be; moments that bring about the most profound clarity; moments where I smelt so awful, had hairy legs and greasy hair, yet felt more beautiful than I ever had; moments that were too perfect to be true; and moments that made me revisit my past--the good and bad, and made me even more thankful for my present. I became friends with some of the most wonderful people. I realized how simply you can live and be happier than most will ever be. It was exhausting and exhilarating. My mornings were filled with coffee and cookies, my days were packed with endless miles in a stinky car, my evenings were spent cooking delicious food around a campfire, and at night I slept in a tiny tent on a really subpar sleeping mat. But it was all great, thanks to two amazing travel mates.  

Today I want to end on an encouraging note. Get out there and LIVE people. Maybe traveling the world doesn’t do it for you, but there is no reason for you to ever be envious of mine or anyone else’s life. It’s never too late to make your dreams come true. Find your passions. Be familiar with the sensation that your cheeks might fall off from smiling too much. Know the slight ache in your core from laughing until you cry. Let yourself be sad sometimes so you can fully appreciate when you’re happy. Inspiration is a beautiful thing… so spread it and consume it. Above all, love yourself. You will be pleasantly surprised to see the places that alone can take you.

unBELIZEable

I’ve been staring at this blank page for about 23 long minutes now, trying to decide on the right starting place for this entry. I have a multitude of funny middles and infinite ends of stories, but can’t figure out the proper introduction.

I guess I will start with my birthday, since the turning of 22 marks the beginning of this year for me. Although I was flooded with some crazy emotions, it really was a wonderfully simple birthday. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling as ‘at home’ as I usually do in Cody. I was so glad to be reunited with my family, but was plagued by the sense of having no substantial identity in this town anymore. But now I realize it’s because I have been away so much and have purposefully made a new identity for myself. And I learned that while physical location signifies home to many, it doesn’t for me. To me, home is really wherever my heart is; whether it’s with my family, with friends, in Wyoming, or in a country I’ve never been… home is never far away when it exists inside me. I think I have to remember this while traveling about so much now, if only to eliminate the illusion of homesickness. I want to be able to appreciate each moment of each journey, and that’s impossible when I ache to be some place else, some time else. So today I am physically home, soaking up the comfort of my own space that’s filled with more memories than I can handle sometimes, and I am spending the better part of my day packing for my road trip, which starts tomorrow!

As for the past two weeks….wow. My trip to Belize was amazing. Since I decided to go last minute, I really had no plans or expectations which I think made it even better. It felt so damn good to be completely disconnected from my life, from technology, from facebook, from time itself. I only looked at a clock once on my last day there; it just never mattered to me what time or day it was. We participated in the typical tourist activities: snorkeling, cave tubing, zip lining, Mayan ruin tours. But we also spent a lot of time talking to locals, learning about their lifestyle and their food and their music. Despite the frequent trips to the bathroom, I couldn’t get enough of the traditional dishes; from beans and rice to fresh lobster to gibnut (a local delicacy – rodent…) it was all wonderful, especially loaded with hot sauce. For the first time ever, I saw and tasted the freshest and juiciest fruit straight from the branch - YUM. The beaches were hot and until the rakers came by, covered with garbage brought in by the sea. We partied hard at the Barefoot Bar in Placencia, watched a serious game of futbol in the rain, and got our fill of the locally made Belikin beer. And of course a vacation like this wouldn't be complete without a mild romance; leave it to me to find the only other white man in a country filled with exotic Belizeans. He called me gorgeous (in a thick British accent) and I simply batted my eyelashes and demanded to be called gorgeous again, as it just sounds FAR more flattering coming from a man from London. Ohhh me.    

But even with all the relaxing on the beach and the exciting excursions, my favorite moment by far was pretty basic. We visited the bakery in Hopkins, hoping for some fresh baked goodness… we received a lot more than that! The owner of the bakery (literally a shack with an oven) is Caitlin. She is from Ohio and a long list of events (all of which she revealed to us) led her to living in Hopkins for 12 years and raising three young children solo. As we were talking, her middle daughter arrived home from school and was peering at her new math books with disdain. “Do you like math?” “NO.” Simple as that, I was taken by this beautiful girl, whose name was a literal translation of “strong soul” and whose character clearly revealed it to be quite fitting. It wasn’t until she asked me to do a Toy Story puzzle with her was I convinced she felt the same kinship towards me. I spent a half hour on her steps, following her demands of where to put each piece she pointed at. She didn’t want us to leave, but settled on taking pictures of herself for me so I would always remember her. It was pretty much then and there that I knew I was on the right path a couple years ago when I decided I wanted to teach. Childhood is the peak of most human existence; they are pure and spirited and too simply say what they mean and what they want. So I think this life of living step to step is eventually going to lead me to the right place, the right country where I will try to give children educations they never thought they deserved and in turn humble myself to the max… just how I want to be… continually humbled  and thankful. So I suppose I stumbled upon the real purpose of this vacation; behind the relaxation and around the corner of eliminating stress, on the crumbled sidewalks and in the endless horizons, awaited my next (and not last)calling in life.

Go on, go on,
Go on and find your life now.
Go on. It's alright.
We all feel something similar
Sometimes. Oh, oh.
Oh, sometimes. Oh, oh.

Don't wait, don't fear,
And don't work too hard.
Don't worry 'cause you're here.
You're here, through ever-shifting shades,
And now somehow. Oh, oh.
Oh, somehow. Oh, oh.

It's love, it's love.
It's love that keeps me high enough
And the drugs and sex,
Or the lost respect and sacredness.
And it's sad, and true,
'Cause most things can hurt or help.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.

I know, I know.
We're here to sow some words
And hope they'll grow, they'll grow
In moundless fertile hearts and endless fields,
We'll know, cause most things can hurt or help.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.
Oh, up to us.

Go on, go on.
Go do those things you've always wanted to.
My friend,
When the morning comes our dreams
Don't have to end.
It's true,
I'll be there when I can for you, my friend.
Oh, I'll be there when I can.

Good Riddance

It’s been a while, an intentional hiatus. See, I’ve been stuck in this funk… filled with all the negative, self-pitying, same old same old kind of emotions no one really wants to hear about. So, I’ve been away… hidden away by myself, trying to find some light. And in the end, what it came down to was pretty simple... I was miserable (mostly) because of my job, typical “white American female” problems that are immensely petty in the grand scheme. So instead of continuing the misery, I decided to quit and leave here early. Three more days and I couldn’t be happier. I won’t say I regret coming here, because I met some great people, but it just didn’t go how I was hoping it would. It’s easy to say Seward, Alaska let me down, but the truth is I let myself down in Alaska. I envisioned myself hiking and camping every chance I got, but soon I was so tired from working average 9.5 hour days that when it came time for my days off, all I wanted to do was catch up on the sleep I went without all week. I became lazy and lost interest in simple pleasures. But people, I am back! I have this wild and hopeful image of being 22. I think 21 was a learning year, but I am so glad to be leaving it behind. For 22 I see myself in so many places I’ve never been, physically and mentally. Mostly I decided this year I need to find some faith. I’m on the verge of knowing what it is I believe, but I get so distracted by life that I tend to throw my notion of god and any sense of spirituality by the wayside. So I want to find god, and you can make assumptions and interpretations of what you think that means, but truth is my idea of god is so much different than yours and I think that’s the true beauty of it.

As for now I am trying to enjoy my last five days in Seward. Afterwards I am going to the Avett Brothers concert in Palmer, and from there I have about five days to kill before my flight out of Anchorage. I want to head up to Talkeetna, and from there Denali. I need a positive way to leave, and rid my mind of the grudges I don’t want to hold against this place. From here I am going home for a day (my birthday) and will spend it repacking and driving back and forth from Billings. Then it’s off to BELIZE! My parents have been planning this trip for months, my mom’s 50^th birthday bash, and I decided a week ago to tag right along. I have a feeling a bit of sunshine, sandy beaches, and having a little too much fun will do my brain some good. I come back the 17^th of September and from there embark on an epic road trip from Cody to Texas with my dear friend Brooke as well as her friend from New Zealand. I think our time on the road will bring about some beautiful desert scenery, peace of mind, endless positive energy to soak up, and more pictures than I’ll know what to do with. I am so excited! From there, it’s off to New Zealand for a couple months. This is where I am expecting to really get back to the core of me…to find myself…to find my faith. I am going to fully embrace the vagabond lifestyle for the next five months (or more) and live off of the money I saved this summer and only the essentials I can carry on my back. It’s going to be a damn good year… I am aiming for the best one yet!

 I love this.

“It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.” -Erika Harris

Whenever I look at this, I relive the moment I fell in love with taking pictures. Photos like this are home to me. They provide a little peace and reassurance, and excitement for all the ones to come.